


isn't is lovely, all alone

by ColorMeHazelnut



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 04:37:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15477834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorMeHazelnut/pseuds/ColorMeHazelnut
Summary: "Share?" Phil replies, his voice climbing up higher."Just one night?" Dan interrupts, he gives Phil a look and Phil merely bits his lips and looks away, his mouth falling a flat line.Or everyone's favourite trope: bed sharing/there is only one bed





	isn't is lovely, all alone

**Author's Note:**

> Title fic is inspired by Billie Eilish - lovely ft. Khalid. I feel like the song inspired me somehow. Anyways, enjoy!

It's the silence that tips him off. Not verbal. They are used to each other's silent presence in the room.

It's lack of movement. The absence of bubbly energy. The frown on his face that looks nothing like his default 'bitch face'.   


So when Phil requests for separate rooms during their stay at a hotel, Dan doesn't question it. He understands the reason and their own needs for space.   


Doesn't make it hurt any less even after all these years.   


"What do you mean there are not enough rooms?"   


Dan looks up from his phone. Phil looks far too calming with that tone of voice.    


"I'm sorry sir. But we are having some sort of maintenance problems with several rooms of ours. We do apologize for that. So in the meantime, since you came in a team of people, we hope you could take our suggestion to share rooms-"   


"Share?" Phil replies, his voice climbing up higher.   


"Yes. But do not worry as the rooms we are putting you and your crew would have double single beds. So the two guests are able to sleep comfortably for one night."   


"Just one night?" Dan interrupts, he gives Phil a look and Phil merely bits his lips and looks away, his mouth falling a flat line.    


"Yes, just for one night." The receptionist looks incredibly relieve to see another face that's not looking like he wants to murder them alive. "Some guest are checking out tomorrow and we can have your rooms ready by then."   


"Right. So let me and him have the same room. We both can share." Dan wordlessly proceeds with the paperworks, that is until Marianne shoos them both and hands them their keys.    


Well, key. They are sharing a room now.   


"Rest up. Tomorrow you boys can explore the city," she says with a wave. Dan grins tiredly.    


"Let's go." He gives Phil a smile, a small smile, but a smile nonetheless because he still wants it to be comforting. Phil returns his, with a tight pained one curling onto his lips.   
Dan wants to feel like it's a win. He ignores the slight feeling of hurt curling up in his chest.   


He slings their shared backpack onto his back and leads them both towards the lift. Dan doesn't try to touch Phil. They don't ever touch when one is having one of those days. They don't talk either. But when Phil presses his shoulders against his as they ride the empty elevator, Dan leans back, supporting them both.   


When they both arrive at their hotel room, Dan wants to curse out loud because now isn't a good time to play a practical joke switching two single beds to only one queen size bed and plonk in the middle of their room.    


He hears Phil's sharp exhale, and Dan feels the mood goes down ever darker. So before Phil even thinks of going back down and throws a tantrum (he won't but at this point, Dan believes anything could happen from an unpredictable, unhappy Phil), Dan lays a gentle hand on Phil's arm.    


"It's fine, Phil. It's just for one night."   


Because unpredictability comes from unhappiness. Unhappiness of Phil comes from anxiety. Over-whelming thoughts. Too much of this and that and the feeling of powerlessness that Phil is drowning in.    


So Dan gives some space for Phil to settle in. Lets him breathe in his own (their) space. Lets him unpacks his stuff in attempt to clear his own mind.    
Meanwhile Dan showers and changes into his comfiest , baggiest shirt and pants.   


When he is done, he frowns when he sees Phil slouching down at his laptop. Still in his jacket and jeans.   


Dan ignores him and picks up the menu at their dresser.   


"You feeling hungry?"   


A beat. Then two.   


"Yeah. I guess." _Clickety-clack clickety-clack_.   


Dan flips the menu. The food options does look good actually.    


"I really don't know what to pick."   


Dan sits on one of the corners of the bed, closing some distance between him and Phil.   


"Just pick anything you want." _Clickety-clack clickety-clack_.   


Dan sees the deep frown lines stretching across Phil's face. His shoulders are stiff and his forehead is glistening with sweat. His quiff is limp looking and so is Phil and Dan is feeling it ever more so.   


So Dan decides he has had enough of Phil's bullshit and slams the laptop lid shut. Phil yelps and barely had the reflex to pull his fingers before it gets flattened.    


"What the fu-"   


"Take off your clothes. Now."   


Phil immediately glows bright red, "Now isn't the best time for sex-"   


"No shit," Dan grits out. "It's not the best time for work either. Not with you being like this."   


Dan points towards their bathroom. "Go take a long goddamn shower. Take a bath even if you want. Just don't come out until you are all clean and not one speck of dirt on you."   


He then properly looks at Phil straight into his eyes, and softly says, "Worry about those things later yeah? You deserve a break."   


Phil remains speechless for a minute then two. He blinks before letting his shoulders sag and Dan has never seen Phil looking so tired before. He mumbles a small 'ok' before quietly shuffles towards the bathroom with a towel in one hand.    


Dan orders their dinner and picks out the sweetest dessert off the menu.   


And later when they proceed eat in complete silence, it's still fine. They are eating at the table, the tv is turned on as their background noise, but Dan feels Phil's leg pressing back against his, solid and right here, not looking just as lost as before, Dan thinks, yeah, it's going to be fine.   


Though it's not fine as they climb into their bed when Phil hesitates.   


It's not fine when they lay down, Phil immediately turns onto his side, his back towards Dan.   


It's not fine when Dan tries to shuffle closer, he feels it. The smallest, subtle flinch that if he wasn't paying attention to Phil all day, he might have missed it.   


"Phil?"   


Phil jerks and tries to correct himself by inching backwards.   


"Phil stop."   


Phil halts all movements.   


"Tell me what's wrong."   


Dan waits. Lets Phil breathe. Lets Phil have his space. Lets him form his own words.   


Phil turns. His eyes are the same blue but a hint of something else. Sadness.    


His body is rigid and tight. His arms are close to his chest. Dan's heart squeeze of seeing him like this.    


"Can I...?" Phil pauses, unsure and Dan tilts his chin, encouraging him to continue.   


"Can I have my own space just for tonight?"   


And Dan beams at this. So happy for Phil to know what he wants and request for it, because sometimes Dan isn't always want he want.    


But that is ok.   


Because he understands the reason and this slight feeling of hurt is also ok even after all these years.   


It doesn't make Phil love him any less.   


"Of course," Dan replies and he begins to set up the spare blankets and pillows on hotel's couch. Thankfully it's long enough to fit his long body.   


When Dan eventually settles in, he hears it, small, but clear as day, "Love you," coming from the bed.   


Dan says back, louder with his, letting his voice bounce along the walls of their hotel room, "Love you too."    


**Author's Note:**

> This admittedly, was a pretty big challenge for me as I was never brave enough to do something creative with my writing. But I did it! But what did you think? Was it a hit? A miss? Should i improve something? Comment please do! Or come and say hi at my [tumblr](http://colormehazelnut.tumblr.com/post/176407327588/isnt-is-lovely-all-alone)


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